Driving in the rain. Almost home. One more exit until they can get off. Rain pouring. Swerving truck in the wrong lane. Headlights heading closer. Head on collision. Hearts slowly beating. Metal grinding, denting inward. Glass breaking, shattering all over the pavement. Shattering all over them. Wounds that cannot be healed. Sirens drawing nearer. Last thing seen; flashing lights. Hospital room beep, beep, beep. Drifting away into a state of deeper unconsciousness. Family surrounding. Tears of heartache pouring from eyes. "It may be fatal, but we will try our best." Time passes. Several attempts. Worst words to hear. "There is nothing more to do. Say your last good byes."
It is never a good thing to attend a funeral for children. It is never a pleasant thing to see when it is a brother and a sister. Family stand around, catching the last glimpse of their babies, wallowed in their own misery and selfishness. They think that it is their fault and they want them back. Do they ever stop to consider that maybe it was just their time to go? Maybe there is a greater plan for them? Maybe there is a stronger force than what is in this home people call Earth? Maybe there is a better place to be than here trapped with a bunch of people. Perhaps, if there is a life after this, the ones on the other side wanted them to be there.
It is never a good thing to attend a funeral for children. It is never a pleasant thing to see when it is a brother and a sister. Family stand around, catching the last glimpse of their babies, wallowed in their own misery and selfishness. They think that it is their fault and they want them back. Do they ever stop to consider that maybe it was just their time to go? Maybe there is a greater plan for them? Maybe there is a stronger force than what is in this home people call Earth? Maybe there is a better place to be than here trapped with a bunch of people. Perhaps, if there is a life after this, the ones on the other side wanted them to be there.
What if you started with the opening line of "It is never a good thing to attend a funeral for children"? Talk about hooking your reader.
ReplyDeleteSo this story is about a car accident. A child dies. But maybe this child's life wasn't that great to begin with. Maybe this tragedy was really a blessing.
The opening paragraph was very descriptive. But all the short sentences made it sound choppy. I think writing like that works, as long as you vary your sentence length, or break up the paragraph more.