Sunday, November 8, 2009
My Gift
The gift I would like to give to someone is the gift of reality. So few people have grasped that idea that they are not the only people on this planet. There are so many other people, so many other problems and they are just to confined in one place to realize it. How often have you driven past a car with their panic lights flashing? How often have you walked passed a homeless man on a street corner and not said anything and avoided contact? Did you stop to ask them any questions or did you just walk passed them as though they were invisible? How often do you put aside some time for someone else that you haven't met and did some service? I am sure very few people have done such things. If there was one thing I could give to anyone, it would be reality.
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I really like this one, i think a lot of people need this gift, realistic expectations.
ReplyDeleteWhat i read: how often have you walked passed.. and said nothing? Very sad but heartfelt.
ReplyDeleteI think your trying to give this reality to thoughs who need it most. It really shows you care.
but.. reality?? that really could mean so manny things. try being more specific. why do you want to give this? Are there any memorys or stories that make this so special?
good job
I think what your writing is the truth, we all need to be better at helping people out.
ReplyDeleteI think the whole concept of shoving reality in people's faces is kind of... invasive?
It might not be the kind of gift people want to recieve, but man do all of us need some once in a while! So how are you going to give it?
I think that the gift of reality is an amazing Idea.
ReplyDeleteI love the point that you are tring to get across.
I think it would be an even better paper it you took all the questions you ask and anwsered some of them and took some of them out.
Here's what I read, noticed. What stood out to me: that you had a lot of questionsa for the reader.
ReplyDeleteHere's what I think you were trying to do: you were trying to tell people that they need to help others and do service.
Here's a suggestion of how you could make it better: maybe you should answer the questions of your reader in your writing as you make this longer. also maybe not come right out and say what your gift is. it kinda ruins the piece.
What I read: Not only did you talk about your gift (reality) in this work, but you gave it. It was a very powerful message, and it gets me to think about what I could be doing to be a little less self-absorbed.
ReplyDeleteWhat I think you were trying to do: I think you played the guilt game a little bit. You made the reader realize he or she has something to work on.
What I suggest: This is a short piece for an essay. I know there's no minimum, but it's good to remember that there IS a maximum. If I were you I would go back to the beginning and start it off with a hook: possibly a story, maybe a quote by someone that applies to your gift. I would also go back to the end and expound on the gift itself a little.
Great job.
Vague concept. I think that you're gift is not only cliche, but also naive. You can give talks, seminars, and public speakings. However, all you can do with those is to influence. You cannot make someone change over night, it just doesn't happen that way. Yes, we all need to be a little more compassionate, and that's the concept I enjoyed with your piece. I think we can all relate in the fact that we've passed cars on the side of the road, and did not help.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could think of a gift that involves helping people. Perhaps a gift that suggests to take a stand.
Remember, not only are people reading you're writing, but also you're comments. In my opinion, you're telling people that their idiots for not having heart, compassion, and understanding. I just read a blog where you displayed none of those things. Again, just a suggestion to watch out for.
Andy Roddick
I really like this opening it really grabs my attention, and it is so truthful.
ReplyDeleteI would suggest expounding upon what reality really is. It could be so many different things to so many different people. I think you could explain it a little more. but it's a really good start.
What I read was getting people to think about the world and the different people who need help that you could give your time to.
ReplyDeleteWhat I think you were trying to do is show people that we shouldn't be so careless and selfish to people who might be in need of a helping hand.
A suggestion might be to not try shoving this gift of yours into peoples faces. That's the feeling I got and it made me a little uneasy. Try approaching it with a little less force.
Good beginning overall though :)
why do you want to give this gift? and how are you going to give it? I agree with the things you say, and its very sad.
ReplyDeletewow, that's a crapload of comments.
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, good job. Interesting concept. Reality that we're not the only ones here. I think we all need to improve in this area. I like how the essay is clear, even for its length. I can understand what you're trying to say. Improvements: maybe expand the subject, in other words, make it a little longer, but great work, Norma.
Damn, this is deep. I like your approach. Completley different gift. I like it, because it is much more unique compared to others. Just watch out for your grammar and what not. Instead of "to confined", it is supposed to be "too confined". At times these simple mistakes can either make you or break you. Be careful. Otherwise than that, I loved it.
ReplyDeleteIt is true we need to be nicer, but you seem to stray from your main point. Yous start with the gift of reality, and then go to a", help the hobo's rant." Yes, we all need to look beyond ourselves, but that point was lost in the jumble of "are you a good person" questions.
ReplyDelete